I have some very strong type-A personality traits. One of those traits is a love for efficiency. I prefer to do things well. And I prefer to do things well the first time. I will go to great lengths to ensure that I set myself (and my children) up for success so as to eliminate what I would deem to be unnecessary inefficiency, thereby saving time and energy. This is actually one of the aspects of Beachbody that appeals to me most. The workouts are just that – efficient. There is minimal down time during workouts, time within a workout is not wasted, strengthening and aerobic movements are optimized for the best possible outcome, each workout program is well outlined and all-encompassing, and the various nutrition guides are straight-forward and easy. Efficient! And I LOVE it.

But as a mother I have come to realize that my love for efficiency has the power to crush me, to crush my spirit, and worse yet, to crush my childrens’ spirits. Now don’t get me wrong . . . there is nothing inherently wrong with efficiency or highly valuing efficiency. However, the problem for me lies in the fact that I often elevate this desire for efficiency and the practice of efficiency to an unhealthy level. My tendency to give efficiency the degree of power that I allow it to have is rooted in sin. For me this tendency is rooted in my worship of comfort and control.

So often in my day-to-day happenings I turn this desire and practice into a god that I am willing to serve at the expense of my relationships – my relationship with my friends, my relationship with my children, my relationship with my husband, and my relationship with my good and gracious God.  Lord HELP me!

Take last week Tuesday for instance. (Or any other day in our home for that matter.) My morning did not unfold as I had anticipated, and I was nearly crushed to the point of tears. Tears over forgetting a wallet at home?!? After leaving late for school drop-off (again!), I quickly realized that I needed money for gas AND that I did not have my zoo membership card in order to meet friends for a scheduled play date. The fact that I was not able to efficiently remedy this dilemma was too much for this mom who elevates efficiency (comfort and control) to the throne of her day. I allow these insignificant instances to influence my day to such an unhealthy degree. And only Jesus and His grace can save me from myself!
In the scheme of eternity, such inconveniences are nothing. They simply do not matter. And yet I let myself be controlled by the inefficiency of forgetfulness, mistakes, accidents, and just plain life. No, the “universe” is not actually “out to get me,” as my husband so kindly reminds me from time to time. We just live in a broken and complicated world, a world that is marked by the reality of sin and the need for a Redeemer. God uses the reality of these types of recurring situations to expose the fact that rather than choosing JOY (Jesus, others, and then myself), I am choosing myself first. At best I am choosing others first. But I am most certainly NOT choosing Jesus first. He meets me in these moments and routinely shows me grace. And His grace is abounding – its work is continuous and new every morning. God’s grace is not focused on transforming me efficiently; it is concerned about transforming me eternally.