DUTY <> DISCIPLINE <> DESIRE <> DELIGHT

I often feel as though I operate somewhere along this spectrum in each arena of my life. As a wife, mother, daughter, friend, athlete, neighbor, volunteer, etc., I am fulfilling my specific roles out of duty, discipline, desire, or delight, or some combination thereof. I rarely find myself functioning at the same point on this spectrum in any of my roles. In fact, when I am delighting in one area, odds are pretty good that I am operating out of duty or discipline in another area. This experience is simultaneously brutal and beautiful, creating a constant tension that makes me ever more aware of where I am on this spectrum AND the truth that God’s grace meets me at every point along this continuum.

There are days, weeks, months, and even seasons where I function out of duty. The duty to love my husband well even when I am tired from caring for our four young children, exhausted from managing our home, and barely surviving this long journey of surgical training. The duty to train my children with grace and kindness when all I really want to do is to join them in their epic “my-world-is-ending” rant, which in full disclosure I have certainly done. The duty to be present and available for family and friends when what I desire is to simply disengage. But what I have come to embrace is that operating out of duty is not something to be ashamed of. Duty, as defined by Ravi Zacharias, “is the handmaiden of love and honor. It is doing that which is right rather than that which is convenient. Duty recognizes a cause greater than one’s self.” So when necessary I rest in the grace that showing up out of duty is no less respectable than showing up out of practiced discipline, genuine desire, or sheer delight.

About discipline. There is so much good that is born out of the laborious commitment to being disciplined. It has been said by many, including Abraham Lincoln, that, “discipline is choosing between what you want now and what you want most.” Discipline is what keeps our house tidy, our laundry clean, our bills paid, my diet healthy, my fitness on track, and so on and so forth. And yet discipline easily lends itself to self-righteousness. Again, there is tension. There is a constant temptation to consider myself as the source of the success that I experience . . . my marriage is strong because I do X, my children are sweet because I do Y, my finances are well-balanced because I do Z. But I am quickly reminded of God’s grace. God grants me the ability to exercise discipline and perseverance in the roles to which he has called me so that he can transform me into his likeness. I grow in righteousness and holiness through discipline.

As for desire, blessed and rare are the days when I actually desire to fulfill the demands of each and every one of my various roles. Desire is a complicated topic. I often find myself desiring to do those things that are NOT helpful or beneficial or transformative or character building. My desires, however, are conformed by the practice of duty and discipline to the extent that the desires of my heart can and will flow in-step with what God has called me to. For me, genuine desire looks like an eagerness to engage, an acknowledgement of the honor that it is to raise not one but four small humans alongside a noble and kind man, an awareness of the blessings found in the easy and the hard aspects of my day-to-day life, and a humbleness to ask for help and to allow others to enter into the chaos of my life. I have routinely found that functioning out of desire occurs far more frequently in my various roles when I am actively practicing gratitude.

But it is the small and ever-present embers of duty, discipline, and desire that God generously uses to produce the flame of delight in the various roles I have been called to. Delight tends to be more fleeting for me . . . a moment here and there, an experience that exceeds my expectations, a surprise ending to a mundane or routine activity, or an unexpected opportunity is often what catapults me from duty or discipline or desire into simple delight. The sound of all four of our children laughing together, a much anticipated date night with my best friend, a long run where staying on pace is effortless, the much-needed ladies night out with good wine and meaningful conversation, the rare occasion to use my physical therapy degree to help a friend or family member, or the joy of spending time with dear friends and family that we don’t see often. God wants us to experience delight. He has equipped us with the Spirit for that very reason. It is the Spirit who enables the duty, the discipline, the desire, and the delight. He is my source of strength.

So regardless of where you find yourself as you fulfill your God-given roles, operate with the assurance that God’s grace is sufficient. His love for you is not dependant on your performance. He loves you the same whether you are functioning out of duty, discipline, desire, or delight. And he is generously kind to use all of these experiences to reveal more of himself and his love for you along life’s journey.